As a young girl i made a deal with the devil
Invisible to most, already a ghost,
I craved the attention that others revel in
brown skin, few friends
All I had were my books and my child hard skills of perception that
I had been secretly perfecting
With a potion of sand
Poured over me
I’d be glittering and shimmering
Subtle to the eyes
Captivating
Id be a quiet surprise
I would twinkle in the sun
Blessed with an easy charm
I could use to draw others in
When the rays would shine
My company they would crave
And i no longer be forced to entertain on my own…
lonely and all alone.
But a magic like that was impossible to control
When the clouds would pass
All my energy would lapse
And i’d be blind and stumble into hardships
Fall into a ditch, a deep black hole
Crawling only so far out before skidding back deeper in
My limbs weakened by all the energy expent to engage …
With people i desired to be with
The charm had its limits… attracting those who resented it
And directed their dark arts
Into my sensitive heart
Or demanding i stand
The reflections emanating from body covered in sand
Mirrors to their own glories
Draining all my electricity
To elevate their grandiosity
The remnants of the magic are still there …
My twinkle has no one left to capture
I learned to live alone without the chemistry
of magnificent adventures with other beings
But I’m like an detoxing addict… desperate for a fix..
Craving any help outside of my powerless weakened self
To make me not feel like a irredeemable piece of shit
Devil send me to hell
I fucked up all i had planned
The only thing that will give me reprieve
From the disconents of the charm – a tease of what was only make believe
Is to end me totally while
A few good memories can still be retrieved
In the moments
Right before i stop breathing
Inside My Madness 