To mark the new year, 2021, I now pronounce myself dead. No, I do not have the courage to follow through with my own suicide, but since it is apparent that I am invisible and irrelevant and unworthy of friendships or a place in society where my humanity is valued and respected, I hereunto forward declare myself dead to everyone, or rather no one, since no one gives a shit about my life, (at least in any way that truly matters). My former deceased self relied heavily on the interpersonal relationships and community to derive joy and comfort from life, but the hollowed ghost of myself shall only move forward in art, literature, nature, and imagination. I take a vow of silence and renounce all the efforts I made in my former life to nurture connections and relationships. My friendships have revealed themselves to mainly be farces and fraudulent. I expected too much from humanity and I no longer belong with the beings who are insular, ruinous, and damned to their own self-absorbed discontents.
And so we bid adieu to the tortured soul, who so desperately hung on to an adrift raft screaming for attention and help and company for far too long. We lay her to rest and set her scarred disabled body aflame to cremate the hurt and disappointment and spread her ashes across the earth to be trampled upon as she had always been. We recognize that her life ultimately meant nothing, her existence without purpose and that she is not likely to be remembered by the living who long ago expelled her image from their consciousness. We hide her from superficial empty concerns expressed by those who make time for social media. And I will not attempt to haunt those who have wronged me.
Even doves have pride.
Inside My Madness 