It’s so incredibly hard to write a post about the current state of the world.  Can I truly share my dark thoughts on this matter, in an honest, no bars way that is the purpose of this forum? Will I insult or harm whatever audience I have by my words, if I capture a feeling … Continue reading The Corona Collective Crisis →

That refrain: you need to tell people how to support you. I'm over it. I opened this blog to my friends, I send them resources, I articulate my feelings and needs, I gave them clear tools - like writing caring letters consistently and they say they're not good at emails and are sending me a virtual … Continue reading I give up →

So around 2 weeks ago, I received my official diagnosis of the Sjogren's Syndrome, an autoimmune disease which has caused me intense fatigue for past few years and now the additional symptoms of joint pain, low-grade fevers, eye pain are all beginning to show. Chronic Illness Squared. And the ablist reactions I've received have been … Continue reading You could do it better →

As I try to step away from the internal criticism that I’m too sensitive and expect too much, I want to be cognizant and mindful not to fall into the trap of thinking I’m perfect, or explaining away or justifying, in that same defensive tone that unnerves me, the ways I can be inconsiderate to … Continue reading Flaws and All →

I think one of the worst parts about having a chronic mental illness and experiencing a range of physical symptoms and/or physical side effects from medicine is that there is never any clarity or answers. Unfortunately, most people in society have a naive belief that things are knowable. That the right doctors and right testing … Continue reading Elusive answers →

Over the years, even in my non-depressed periods, I've been hit by the energy truck as I like to call it, and it runs over me around every 3-6 months, and I get completed winded and can't do anything. I don't know if it's a result of my depression, or is physical nature, but it … Continue reading Depleted →

The byproduct of the way I have internalized all my diagnoses and treatment, societal and family messaging is that I can't trust my emotions. My emotions overreact, they are disproportionate, they are not in line with reality. When my emotions overwhelm me, I must do everything to suck it in, talk sense to myself, use … Continue reading Trusting my emotions →

I'm messy and emotional right now and staring at my box of blades and wondering if the only thing that will help me right now is the sight of blood. One of the things that pisses me off to no end, in the spirit of the previous discussions regarding whether you are doing enough to … Continue reading Help →

I asked my close friend to read my last post Shame & Blame (Capitalism & Neoliberalism), which I realized was a bit disjointed. (I wanted to make connections between things I had read and my thoughts, but quotes, and quotes within quotes, and my changing narrative voice, it does seem all over the place and … Continue reading Shame & Blame (Family) →

Through the course of this year, I've found myself approaching life differently. I’ve become anti- achievement, anti-goals, anti- career development, anti-career transition. I don't care about acquiring new skills, gaining new experience /benchmarks, or where I want to be in order to be the most effective proponent for social change.I'm happy to be given an … Continue reading Random Reflections →