The Bright Side

Please shut up with your bright sideIt's the last thing a girl needs to hear when she's struggling to surviveWhen she's searching for tools to tie a noose ormastering techniques she needs to cut deepOr wondering whether a room filled with flowers actually succeeds to depriveOxygen to to the brainA romantic way to leave her … Continue reading The Bright Side →

I’m over it

So I just tried to confide in a friend – regarding my suicide attempt and to complain that our mutual friend who knew the day of when it happened, wrote to me in the aftermath about other topics, but did not circle back to ask me how I was doing. The conversation is as follows: … Continue reading I’m over it →

Part 3: What’s a Suicide Attempt?

I may have tried to kill myself this past weekend…. Twice. I was more in what my previous therapist would probably call my dysphoric hypomanic state, hijacked by emotions and impulsive, than the cold deliberate planning suicidal side of me that takes the time to think of how to commit my suicide ethically – if … Continue reading Part 3: What’s a Suicide Attempt? →

Great Expectations

There was a famous study once regarding the depression, that has prompted a debate – are depressed people pessimists – or actually are they realists? (Depressive Realism) Is everyone else wearing rose-colored glasses to see the world and overestimating their own abilities and the good that will come their way? Do rose-colored glasses actually act … Continue reading Great Expectations →

Gifts from the Universe

There’s the matter of my disease, which I write about, but a topic I’ve stayed away from, is the story of my life. I, no doubt, have had enormous privilege in my life, and because of the nature of work I do, working on behalf of incredibly disenfranchised populations --- I am acutely aware of … Continue reading Gifts from the Universe →

Showing Up

In my previous posts, I have touched on what it means for me for the people in my life to Show Up when I’m sick. From the Caring Letters approach to suicide prevention I refer to in Is “Suicide Survivors’” Grief a Lie?, to listing the simple things people do that actually help at the end … Continue reading Showing Up →

Not Today

What do we say to the God of Death? Not Today. I am at a strange moment in my life. I tried to build a new life for myself diligently, escaping what felt like a toxic narrative loop, and even embraced the uncertainty of how it would turn out. Then it came crumbling down in … Continue reading Not Today →

The Happy Mask

I have continually strived to be more authentic, more open, more real about my struggles. I wore a happy mask for most of my life. That first hospitalization at age 15, the dangers of the mask was my biggest epiphany. That the energy and time I expended pretending I was fine was creating a schism … Continue reading The Happy Mask →