I feel like I was raised with this underlying belief, that was probably very “American” and part of “imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy” — that only good things should happen to good people.
So whenever tragedy struck, from anything as serious as death or illness, to a lighter rejection – there would be an indignance.
“He / she was such a good person, they didn’t deserve for this to happen to them.”
And the myth of meritocracy would always herald this idea that if you put your head down, worked hard, and were “good,” good things would happen to you.
That even if the face of overwhelming challenges, people would celebrate the story of that one person who rose above all the hardships, who had a broken family and a terrible school system and still some how miraculously got scholarships and went on to an esteemed profession — as if that path was readily available to any one else with overwhelming challenges if they just tried hard enough.
If I’m good, If try hard enough, then good things will happen to me. Everything will be alright.
If bad things happen, it’s a grave injustice.
But is it really?
Bad things happen to good people ALL THE TIME. People suffer enormously all around the world. They are all not bad people. None of them deserve it. How have Americans always been able to draw this us and them line, mentally ignore the poor and oppressed (even in own country) and still subscribe to beliefs that they deserve to exceptionally have good things happen to them in spite of all the terrible suffering rife all around the world. Why is it an injustice in someone’s personal life when things go wrong, but the injustice abound doesn’t undermine the notion that things will ultimately resolve to be fair and just?
It’s a shitty and insulting coping mechanism.
And where do I fit in? My goodness never saved me from terrible things happening to me. Things did not turn alright. Doesn’t that mean that I wasn’t good enough? Doesn’t it mean that I deserve all those bad things? If I call it an injustice, aren’t I failing to take personal responsibility by the same set of cultural norms? To transform these bad things into important lessons that will arm me with the strength and knowledge to rise above — for it all to ultimately end up working out?
COVID-19 is killing, not completely indiscriminately — it is actually attacking those most vulnerable, but the healthy and wealthy are still at risk, and the healthy are now realizing that they are likely the culprits in spreading the disease so widely (whether they actually feel a sense of responsibility or not)…. Spread so widely it broke a health care system and is resulting in staggering numbers of deaths.
Who deserved to die? Will we only be outraged by the good people who didn’t deserve to die? The ones we deem more valuable to the world than others?
Or should we as a country had the systems, governance and leadership in place to avoid this tragedy? For everyone?
Six weeks ago, I wrote in my post, “You Could do it Better,” “ Human beings are awful and horrible. They’re desire to seem themselves as exceptional, to presume that they won’t experience tragedy, or that they will manage it in a way that won’t ever compromise their quality of life, MEANS they assume, even with a physical illness, that you are complaining in a way they would never.”
And I said, something that now haunts me:
“ His theory is that everyone’s desire for control, control to have a good life, is that anyone who is suffering, must be doing something wrong and they will avoid suffering by being better, behaving better.
I have two rivalling emotions right now: one is anger. Flashing rage. I want all these people to be hit with the plague, to be struck by lightning, to have a grief big and large. Then I want to be like, let’s see how graceful you handle all of that and if you deserve any compassion from me.”
This is the plague, this is a grief big and large. I do have compassion. For everyone.
Let’s wake up.
Bad things happen to good people. Let’s create a world where we care about everyone, we take care of everyone, where we feel a responsibility, and it’s not a game of the good wins, and the bad deserve what comes to them. The arbiters of that game, were fundamentally unjust, racist, patriarchal, ableist, greedy motherfuckers.
Inside My Madness 